Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
