Fuck appropriateness.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
