I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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