i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
