i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
