I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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