maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
and she was petting her beer can
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
