My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I am never drinking with the goths again.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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