So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
