i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You dont lie about slip and slides
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Gay?
German.
Pity.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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