I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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