my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
