We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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