I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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