Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
As shirtless as possible
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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