margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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