STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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