How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
me + whiskey = a bad person
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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