she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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