So drunk its hurt
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
