the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
