Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
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