then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
