I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize