I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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