I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
smell my finger.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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