Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
