like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
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