I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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