I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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