Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
