Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
zippers are such a cool invention
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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