also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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