My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
