New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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