Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
