Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
