remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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