do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
