someone get that fucking seahorse.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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