imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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