Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
