He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
