She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
