bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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