im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
