he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
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