So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
