I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
