My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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