so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
