i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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