her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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