I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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